3/26/2007
the weather was on and off the past two weeks, and and so was the mood. seemed like too many things happened altogether i wont even try to put it down here, dont know how to start, where to start. it's complicated.
nothing's better than good food to cheer up the weary soul. twas girls night out. Five people, three moody, one too much to say and the other just like the cheery self she always seem. Throw in a new japanese restaurant, fantastic authentic sushi, great owners who speak genuine jap and purrrrrfect english. tadah! it's five people, three much happier, one still (as always, too much to say and too irrelevant) and one just like the cheery self she always seem. Always liked small authentic restaurants, and always fantasized about having one such place where you have so much camaraderie with the owners you go there for birthdays, for parties, when you are happy, when you are sad when you feel bored, or for nothing at all. A place where you dont have to say much and people just understand and feed your soul with OH-SO-GOOD sushi..... sushi.....sushi...... and it does seem like it's the perfect chance to establish this connection with this place, newly opened (just two weeks!) small and cosy with really arty wall paintings. love it. definitely going back again soon.
been doing a little thinking. i guess things isnt that bad when you try to look in a different way. but i really wished i could find people who think the same way, feel the same towards certain issues, and by that i dont mean by being shadowed, the kinda what you have i must have, what you do i must do mentality. that's too freaky by far. I'm afraid of getting too close to people, or maybe more so having people get too close to me. and for people whom i dont really connect with, being 24/7 with them is a pain in the ass, thorn in the skin, slash in the throat. aint no BFF material, i'm sorry. I know i'm not perfect, but believe me it isnt fun when you seem to meet all the weirdos in the country like you're the perfect weirdo-magnet. Makes me wanna cry sometimes. Someone please tell me I am still sane and normal...
while i'm trying hard to accept the new people around me, i realise i go into this certain twilight zone where suddenly i find myself talking to me in third person. believe me, i see the physical me standing there and i'm talking to that me. just today i was in this situation where i was giving this someone a 'chance' to win me back. i was telling Me what Me should think if so and so did this, and how Me should think if so and so didnt. and so and so caught me doing it and I jolted back to reality, and realised the severity of the whole spacing out thing. i dont even know when I do this. seems like i'm losing control and falling apart. if you were wondering about who is winning me back, you're totally missing the point. but for the record, so and so didnt make it. screwed the chance. again. sigh...
only thing keeping me sane has to be the work. for once, i've found some meaning in doing my course, something purposeful and tangible that i can hold to and see a future in. I guess it wasnt exactly a wrong choice, maybe definitely the wrong field, but best ever choice in the wrong field. I like doing what i'm doing now at work, keeps me occupied and grounded. and of course how can i forget everyone back home who drops by to chat me up now and then, you dont know how much i miss all of you. perhaps a year out of the cty is too much, but then again i think i'm going to have a really really bad reverse culture shock when i get back. and let's leave that till some months later....
on to happier things, i finally went to that castle i wanted to go to since week one here. Grrrreat view from up there. peaceful and quiet, wide and spacious, greenery and waters. feels like standing on top of the world. breath-taking. did a little hike/walk thing down to the river where we found a little train track running along the bank, a little house by the bank a little car parked by the house, fenced up in nice little wooden fences. Simplicity is the key. I think i could just sit by the bank pensively for hours and hours and hours in such days. Then again maybe not, not in this cold weather. looking forward to going back again soon this time without the bees buzzing around the ears =)
and then it was a achievement i started a little look-into for the long awaited eurotrip at the end of work. put up two big maps in my room and started staring at them nightly and came up with (more than just) a few places. lol. i'd like to extend in invitation to ONLY like-minded people on this little big trip of mine. if you dont mind, i'd like to find myself again and you guys will be more than welcome to help me out here.
to rainbows and sunshine, cheers
10:59 PM
